The Transformation: A Review

Today I'm excited because it marks the release

of The Transformation by James S. Gordon, M.D.

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Shattering The Silence

Hello and happy Wednesday; today I'm excited

{and a little nervous} because my guest post on

shattering the shroud of silence is now live {here}.

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Post Traumatic Growth

Happy Friday the 13th; July is just zooming by. This week, I've been learning about Post Traumatic Growth. Click the quote card to hear Roberto Rivera talk about it; I loved his explanation about how resilience brings us back to baseline but post-traumatic growth takes us higher, deeper, and wider.

Roberto is a self-proclaimed hope dealer; don't you love that?

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Embracing Adversity

Tonight, I'm exhausted, emotionally spent. We went back to school as a staff to prepare to launch the 2017-2018 school year, take two. Students will return to us tomorrow after having endured the fury of Hurricane Harvey. I spent today making phone calls to listen to their stories. 
Scary stories. 
Sad stories. 
Sensational stories.
Stories of grit and grace. 
Stories of loss and starting over.
Stories of healing and hope. 

And I cried. 

Sometimes with a mom right there on the line. 

Others silently after we hung up.

Because this is what many of their homes look like now.
At least until the FEMA trucks get to town.

We started the morning together as a district in a convocation led by our new Superintendent, Thad Roher. That superhero was on a mission when the flood waters started to rise, to not only save his district, but to save his town. He drove a school bus to nursing homes and through neighborhoods in search of people who needed to be evacuated and taken to safety in our makeshift shelter. This morning he reminded us that this year's theme ~ Mustang Pride ... Unleashed ~ is more than just a mantra; it's a way of life. It's not just something fun that we had put on our blue shirts; it's who we are and what we do when flood waters threaten our very existence. Forget the capes; those of us wearing those mustang-blue shirts are called to come to the rescue. He normalized and validated our feelings. He challenged us to embrace adversity and to make it our friend. And he asked us to remember what our children have been through and to be the anchor that they need when they return to class tomorrow. 

If you want a peek into our town's Harvey experience, click {here}. 
Every view will bring in a little donation for our survivors.

Steve Hartman's On The Road coverage is brilliant;
Check it out here.

Harvey reminded me that there's a reason we're called humankind.

As we continue down our path to recovery,

people have reached out to see what we need

as we embrace adversity and move into our new normal.

Prayers for comfort and care,

for empathy and encouragement,

and warm wishes for lots and lots of Perseverance, Appreciation, Togetherness, Hope.

Wanna be inspired?
You must see this creative, therapeutic musical
 Les Harveyables made in a neighborhood down the road.
Now that's what I call embracing adversity!

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Flooded By Compassion & Love

Today I'm feeling hopeful as the healing begins; we started the day by kicking Hurricane Harvey to the curb, literally and figuratively.

True confessions: We actually went to the wrong house for our

10:00 commitment to help an elderly couple with restoration.

We'd been drafted to move some furniture and remove some wood flooring, so we ought to have snapped when there was no furniture to be moved or wood flooring to speak of. {That, and the couple didn't seem elderly, really, as they were kind of our age.} But we were at house number 302, so we pressed on and removed these soggy baseboards, until we got an SOS from a friend and decided to move on down the road. We figured out later that there's a difference between Lane and Court. 

Maybe we are more elderly than we think we are.

Anyhow, we spent an hour with them, then we landed at a friend's mom's home and were able to get a lot of this stuff out of the flooded house and out to the curb.

It felt good to walk alongside of the homeowner and hear her story.

She'd just finished a remodel, so the carpet was pretty new. 

Until it got flooded. 

And overnight became old.

She smiled with relief when her contractor stopped by to check on her and put her on his calendar for next Monday. Sometimes it's the little things.

So let's back up.

Friday we had off from school with hardly any rainfall to speak of.

We actually wondered if we should have been in school.

Then Saturday morning happened. 

This is midnight, the sky lit up by lightning.

See our mailbox? The water was rising as the rains fell hard.

We had a mini-hurricane at 4:30 a.m.

and by 6:30 am this tree had toppled in our back yard.

Harvey's rage kept hammering into swollen creeks.

By Sunday, those creeks were lakes.

This is the road adjacent to our church that night.

It was unbelievable.

We were landlocked.

And Harvey wasn't done with us yet.

Boat and helicopter rescues were rampant

as some people could only get on their roof and wait.

3000 homes flooded in our town alone

as we were getting a year's worth of rain in three days.

Here's Heather's home; click the picture to help them.

One thousand of those people without power.

And more rain on its way Monday night.

Tuesday morning our streets were still impassable.

But our house had survived and we were grateful.

I woke up early to bake breakfast for our Police Station

and when I couldn't get there, they send an officer to us.

They'd been working around the clock and

were thankful for our egg casserole and banana bread.

And what a difference a day makes. By Wednesday, the sun was shining and we were no longer landlocked on all sides. The Marines came to town to help finish up the rescues and start the rebuild workout.

Stores were opening back up,

but shelves are still bare because trucks can't get here yet.

Here's a FB update from today; 

so grateful for social media at times like these.

Today it was time to start that restoration process.

We'd planned to take lunch to our nine staff members whose homes flooded, but our pizza place was still closed and many of them were still out of town. Our district leadership team met and agreed that all teachers would call their families to check on them. Tomorrow morning, the district counselors will meet to plan for our return to school on Tuesday. 

Passionate educators from all over the nation have reached out to ask how they can help. Check out these two beautiful comfort cards that are headed our way.

Isn't that a beautiful expression of empathy and encouragement?

Be still my beating heart.

Superheroes like this little friend have set up lemonade stands;

I wish you could have seen her dancing in the streets!

Ventriloquist Dennis Lee and his sister Lisa has been checking in on us 

and they send us their prayers and warm wishes.

And Jax, a third grader from my school, is collecting donations.

Click the image below for more information and/or to contribute.

So many ways to help. It's how we roll.

Because this sort of natural disaster brings people together.

It unites us, ignites our empathy and mobilizes our compassion.

It brings the realization that life is precious.

It reminds us that life is fleeting and that connections trump stuff.

Every time.

People are outside of their homes,

crusading for a cause. To help shoulder someone's burden.

To make someone's life a little easier.

To love unconditionally.

Just like last year at this time with the Pokemon Go craze,

only way better.

Bringing healing and hope, two beautiful gifts.

Flooding our flood-ravished community with love and support.

Want some additional ways to help?

UW alum JJ Watt's Foundation,

Stanfield Properties and

The Red Cross 

are all collecting for Harvey Relief. 

So tonight as I lay my head on my pillow

and reflect on today,

my prayers are with the people who are starting over,

who have taken their stuff to the curb

and who will need extra tender loving care 

as they recover and restore.

And I'll show my gratitude that we were spared

by distributing your comfort cards

and baking as I have opportunities to feed people,

and listening to their stories of survival and suffering,

and crying with them when it's too hard to talk anymore.

And we'll keep on spreading joy and serving others because, above all, we are called to flood the world with compassion and love.

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Moving Beyond Trauma

This weekend, we finally rented the movie Sully.

The entire time we were watching it, I kept trying to imagine what it must have been like to be him. Sully. The Captain of that ill-fated flight. A hero to the 155 passengers whose lives he protected when he decided to make that emergency landing on the Hudson River after a birdstrike took out both engines on his aircraft. I couldn't help but wonder what it must have been like for him to experience that trauma. To survive. And then to have to defend his decisions to do what he had to do. It was very emotional for me to watch and it made me wonder how he is doing now, some eight and a half years down the road. 

It has also made me think a lot about my own trauma recovery.

For the most part, I navigate my new normal well.

The fact that it has been four years now helps.

Time tends to be a huge healer.

But still there are triggers that send me back to the scene of the collision

 on Sunset where I was hit head-on by that drunk driver.

And when trauma responses happen, it can be overwhelming; when the amygdala in the brain doesn't feel safe, it goes into overdrive. Fears are heightened and anxiety tries to take over. The startle responses can be so intense that I'd just as soon stay home as go anywhere. I start to feel so weak and vulnerable that it'd be very easy to retreat, but it's really important to keep moving onward.

 Life-saving even. 

At times like these, the message on a local marquee rings true:

Looking behind keeps us from moving beyond.

Calling on my therapeutic resources moves me forward.

 I can't afford to get stuck in the past. 

I'm not there on Sunset anymore. 

I have recovered. 

I am safe. 

How can you help someone in trauma recovery?

1. Listen to us. To understand, not to reply or advise.

2. Validate our experience. Say things like, "That must have been really scary." not "You're really lucky it wasn't worse."

3. Call and check on us. I was happy for those calls, even if I didn't feel like a visit right now.

4. Drive us to our appointments. That helped me so much!

5. Bring a meal. It will be a welcomed treat to not have to cook.

6. Pray for (and with) us. That brought me peace, comfort and healing.

7. Be sensitive to the anniversary date. That day can be difficult.

8. Send us an uplifting text or email. Trauma survivors heal from those booster shots of inspiration, joy and love.

9. Offer to walk with us. It's important for us to get outdoors for some Vitamin D periodically. That's easier to do with a friend.

10. Invite us out. Start small; maybe just a jaunt for a cup of coffee or some dessert. Every baby step matters.  

   

Thank you, Captain Sullenberger, for your courageous example;

I pray that you have moved beyond well.

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Bloom Parenting

Today I'm excited to share what I've been reading

and how it has helped me take root and bloom!

I lucked into this colorful parenting treasure by Lynne Kenney and Wendy Young as a Twitter-chat trade and am I ever grateful that I did. The whole time I was reading it, I kept thinking that I wish I'd have had this as a resource when we were parenting our children through their formative years!

As its readers travel through the chapters, Bloom encourages us to teach, educate and inspire rather than to punish and put consequences on our children. It points us to the thoughts and feelings behind errant behaviors and asks us to look at the child through a new lens, a calmer, gentler parenting lens, to see the whole child and take a new look at what is going on in his/her brain that might be causing the undesirable behaviors that we want to help them grow through and change.

At the end of every chapter, there are pages of things that you can say, think and do, to help you through life's parenting challenges like separation anxiety, hitting, biting, morning mayhem, grief and loss. This three-pronged approach printed on these colorful pages can be cut out and kept close for reference during those emotionally-loaded times when words of wisdom escape us.

I experienced so many a-ha moments as I turned the pages through this epic newcomer, but my strongest connection has to be this nugget from the chapter on trauma: "This child is not the problem. The problem is the problem."

And now, as Paul Harvey used to say, the rest of the story: This week I've been experiencing some tough trauma responses to a somewhat random trigger from this past weekend. And it has been horrible. I've felt that hyper-arousal and hyper-vigilance that I first experienced four years ago following the trauma of that head-on collision all over again. I've been lost, crawling out of my skin, feeling like I'm not safe, feeling like I don't belong, needing to get away but having no clue where I'm trying to go. It's really throwing me way off and sucking the joy right out of me. And I'm an adult with life experiences that tell me that I am safe and that I will be okay, with skills to help others through those very same feelings. I can do a pretty good job of hiding it and making it through. But what if I were a traumatized child in a classroom going through similar stuff and acting out? 

This is where Bloom comes in. 

I love this reminder about trauma from the authors:

Conventional discipline appeals to the cognitive part of the brain. This is not where trauma lives. Traditional discipline will do nothing to change behavior that is driven by trauma. (p. 192)  

It's hard to not think I'm the problem,

especially when I'm feeling how I feel.

I take comfort in and draw hope from knowing that it's

what happened to me that's the problem.

And that this, too, shall pass

as I use my therapeutic resources

to journey through this trauma response

and get to the other side. Over and over again,

if that's what it takes.

Another poignant reminder in this ground-breaking gem is that

we don't have to be therapists to help students do the same,

to navigate through their behavior challenges,

to recover,

to find calm, 

to heal, 

and to thrive.

And though this guide for care providers

is targeted at anxious, angry, and over-the-top kids,

I enthusiastically recommend it as a rich resource to help 

any and all kids Bloom. 

Period. 

Exclamation point.

Any questions?

Check out this book; 

you (and your kids) will be glad you did.

Thank you, Wendy and Lynne, for helping us

shape, nurture and grow such beautiful flowers

in the amazing garden we call life.

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PPBF: A Terrible Thing Happened

Today's a landmark day for me, the one-year anniversary of the car collision that left me broken, bruised and terribly traumatized.

Read how I was feeling on Day 14 post-collision {here}.

I have made a lot of discoveries on my road to recovery.

And abundant blessings in the burden have found me.

I've seen some very dark and incredibly difficult days.

It was, indeed, a terrible thing.

But, with the help, support and prayers 

of family and friends, I survived.

And, in twenty days, we'll go to court so I can share 
my Victim Impact Statement and put the case to rest.

Then I can continue to recover, restore, heal, and move on.

That being said, I've got a meaningful connection to my PPBF pick.

Title: A Terrible Thing Happened

Author: Margaret M. Holmes

Illustrator: Cary Pillo

Publisher: Magination Press (1st edition)

Date: February 2000

Suitable for: ages 4 and up

Realistic Fiction

Themes: trauma, feelings, empathy

Brief Synopsis: A terrible thing happens to Sherman. Because he does not like feeling afraid, he does his best to ignore it, which works at first. Eventually, however, his feelings become physically symptomatic and Sherman has to come to terms with what he saw and learn how to move through his trauma (and ultimately past it) in a healthy way.

Opening page: Sherman Smith saw the most terrible thing. He was very upset. It really scared Sherman to see such a terrible thing.

Resources: 

Read a review on Seven Ponds blog {here}.

Let your students predict what happened to Sherman. Explore how they think he feels. Encourage them to write about how they'd help Sherman. Find out what they'd need if they were walking in Sherman's shoes.

Enjoy Now Is The Start, a hopeful ballad 

about recovering and starting over.

Why I like this book: The author never tells her readers exactly what it is that Sherman saw, so all we know is that it was something terrible. The beauty of that is its boundless discussion possibilities. So many of our children today experience trauma or anxiety as a result of the terrible things they have to handle, so I think they'll readily connect to and relate with Sherman and his struggles.

Sometimes it's something that has happened to them personally; other times it's something vicarious that they've seen on television. Regardless, because we can't unsee things, we must process those events so that they don't become rotting garbage in our heads. Sherman goes through the same adverse reactions that can happen to kids under extreme anxiety or stress - loss of appetite, stomach aches, difficulty sleeping. Uncomfortable or unresolved feelings can show up become somatic and cause unfavorable physical symptoms or behavioral acting out. 

Then he goes to see a counselor, who gives him some ideas of things to try that might help him through the trauma. They tried thinking about the feelings, talking about the feelings, playing, and drawing out the feelings. Eventually, Sherman gets to the root of his anxiety and he's able to journey through it with his counselor, Ms. Maple. She also reassures Sherman that it wasn't his fault. When his anger starts to go away, he feels stronger and can be a happier and healthier he.

Just yesterday, I set up Jenga on my floor and played several rounds with students that I see. The game serves as such a powerful metaphor of things that can weaken us and leave holes in our hearts and souls. Once the tower falls, we talk about the safe people and success strategies that help us if/when things in our life starts to crumble. As we talk, we build the game back up and restore it to its original strength.

This book is a school counselor's dream, but its text can also serve as a great teaching tool for teachers, guardians and parents alike since it's got built-in strategies for recovering from traumatic events. Additionally, there is an Afterward for caregivers offering helpful suggestions for working with traumatized children.

As always, if you suspect abuse or neglect, you must follow your state's guidelines for reporting. In Texas, for example, school personnel are mandatory reporters, so if Ms. Maple determines that what Sherman saw put him in danger of neglect or abuse, then she must report the incident to Child Protective Services.

To check in with other blog authors and their PPBF selections, 

go to Susanna Leonard Hill's blog next. Happy reading!

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A Crash Course In Trauma Recovery

Shortly after I was hit head-on five months ago, I got a package of resources to help me through recovery from the Houston Chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). The book Crash Course by Drs. Diane and Laurence Heller was included, but I actually figured I wouldn't need it (you know, since I'm a counselor and I've got this!), so I tucked it inside my Hope Chest and kind of forgot about it.

In early April, I met with my MADD advocate who, after our visit, sent another packet of resources and guess what? Yep, there is was again. That blue book, staring up at me, begging me, daring me to read it. Once again, I put it to the side, this time in my office, because who knows when someone will come to me needing a resource on trauma recovery, right?

Let's just say that by early May, the trauma I'd been wishing away came crashing at me head-on and I found myself opening the pages of this resource I didn't want or, quite frankly, think I needed. And finally, how I'd been feeling started to make sense. From page 22:

When a body mobilizes its defenses in response to threat by either fighting, fleeing, or freezing, and then is unable to complete the response or to discharge those defensive energies, it is left in a state of over-arousal and disequilibrium. If not resolved, there are far-reaching implications for our health and well-being.

Fight. Flight. Freeze. Those are our three choices. 

Which one do you think this trapped raccoon has chosen?

Oh, he undoubtedly tried fight and probably flight, too, but by the time we found him in the morning, he was SO frozen that I thought he'd died. On our watch. And all we wanted to do was take him to a forest where he'd be happier! But once we lifted the trap, he sprung to life and went with my boys on his merry way into the woods.

More from Crash Course: Unfortunately many trauma survivors live with tremendous shame for having frozen in the face of danger when in actuality your body responded in the only way it knew how. When the freeze response occurs, it is a decision made by the reptilian brain as your best chance for survival in that situation. The fact that you are reading this is proof that it worked.

So here's what I'm learning about trauma. Our brain has this amazing smoke detector and alarm called the amygdala. Like the smoke alarm, its job is to alert us to danger and send out a warning signal. Unfortunately, also like a smoke alarm, it can't tell whether you're holding a match next to it to test it out or whether there's a full-blown fire. My poor, petrified amygdala was on overload and had me so hypervigilant that I wanted to never leave home again, just to be on the safe side.

So I've had to retrain my amygdala to quit going off and signaling danger at every turn. I've learned through counseling and reading to rely on therapeutic resources like water and walking, music and meditation, writing, resting, laughing and breathing, all the while slowing down and telling myself that 

I am safe. 

Author Ann LaMott says this: Rest and laughter are the most spiritual and subversive acts of all. Laugh, rest, slow down.

It's all a part of my recovery. 
To find myself again.
To feel my joy again. 
To be whole again.

Oddly enough, I have come across these interesting articles in the past month that I'm certain will help me personally as well as professionally:

The Worry Brain

ChildSafe offers healing, variety of options for trauma victims

Even without stress, PTSD effects persist in brain regions

Responding to Students with PTSD in Schools

And when nobody can seem to find me this summer, 

I'll probably be poolside or in the water

relaxing, 

restoring, 

rejuvenating, 

resourcing,

reflecting, 

recovering.

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