In The Blink Of An Eye

Tonight as we're addressing the envelopes for Joshua's graduation announcements, I can't help but wonder:

How did we go from this ... 

to this, so quickly?

In the blink of an eye.
Like overnight.
Or so it seems.
Actually, it was lots of blinks
and a few sleepless nights,
many fervent prayers
and a whole lot of forgiveness and grace.

And as we head into another last,
our last FISD Teacher Appreciation Week, 
here's what's on my heart and mind.

To all of Joshua's teachers, thank you.

Thank you for celebrating Joshua for who he is
while gently nudging him to reach higher and be better.
Thank you for finding ways to
productively channel his enthusiasm and energy,
his inquisitive and stubborn curiosity,
and his passionate pursuit of creative problem-solving.
Thank you for being firm yet fair.
Thank you for trying to help him understand
that mistakes are just opportunities for growth
even as his perfectionism threatens to paralyze him.
Thank you for ignoring some of the small stuff
while holding him accountable for the stuff that matters.
Thank you for not letting him get by with less than his best.
Thank you for laughing with him in the good times,
and for holding his heart when he was hurting.
Thank you for preparing him for the future
with those all-important soft success skills.
Thank you for always going that extra mile for him
and for loving him unconditionally.
And above all, thank you for embracing Joshua 
and for helping him find joy in the journey.

We appreciate you, more than you'll ever know.


Bloom Parenting

Today I'm excited to share what I've been reading
and how it has helped me take root and bloom!

I lucked into this colorful parenting treasure by Lynne Kenney and Wendy Young as a Twitter-chat trade and am I ever grateful that I did. The whole time I was reading it, I kept thinking that I wish I'd have had this as a resource when we were parenting our children through their formative years!

As its readers travel through the chapters, Bloom encourages us to teach, educate and inspire rather than to punish and put consequences on our children. It points us to the thoughts and feelings behind errant behaviors and asks us to look at the child through a new lens, a calmer, gentler parenting lens, to see the whole child and take a new look at what is going on in his/her brain that might be causing the undesirable behaviors that we want to help them grow through and change.

At the end of every chapter, there are pages of things that you can say, think and do, to help you through life's parenting challenges like separation anxiety, hitting, biting, morning mayhem, grief and loss. This three-pronged approach printed on these colorful pages can be cut out and kept close for reference during those emotionally-loaded times when words of wisdom escape us.

I experienced so many a-ha moments as I turned the pages through this epic newcomer, but my strongest connection has to be this nugget from the chapter on trauma: "This child is not the problem. The problem is the problem."

And now, as Paul Harvey used to say, the rest of the story: This week I've been experiencing some tough trauma responses to a somewhat random trigger from this past weekend. And it has been horrible. I've felt that hyper-arousal and hyper-vigilance that I first experienced four years ago following the trauma of that head-on collision all over again. I've been lost, crawling out of my skin, feeling like I'm not safe, feeling like I don't belong, needing to get away but having no clue where I'm trying to go. It's really throwing me way off and sucking the joy right out of me. And I'm an adult with life experiences that tell me that I am safe and that I will be okay, with skills to help others through those very same feelings. I can do a pretty good job of hiding it and making it through. But what if I were a traumatized child in a classroom going through similar stuff and acting out? 
This is where Bloom comes in. 

I love this reminder about trauma from the authors:

Conventional discipline appeals to the cognitive part of the brain. This is not where trauma lives. Traditional discipline will do nothing to change behavior that is driven by trauma. (p. 192)  

It's hard to not think I'm the problem,
especially when I'm feeling how I feel.
I take comfort in and draw hope from knowing that it's
what happened to me that's the problem.
And that this, too, shall pass
as I use my therapeutic resources
to journey through this trauma response
and get to the other side. Over and over again,
if that's what it takes.

Another poignant reminder in this ground-breaking gem is that
we don't have to be therapists to help students do the same,
to navigate through their behavior challenges,
to recover,
to find calm, 
to heal, 
and to thrive.

And though this guide for care providers
is targeted at anxious, angry, and over-the-top kids,
I enthusiastically recommend it as a rich resource to help 
any and all kids Bloom
Exclamation point.
Any questions?

Check out this book; 
you (and your kids) will be glad you did.

Thank you, Wendy and Lynne, for helping us
shape, nurture and grow such beautiful flowers
in the amazing garden we call life.


Give And Take

It's almost Earth Day 2017, and this little puppy that we kept for a few days over spring break has me reflecting about give and take.

It takes a lot to care for this little girl. 
She wanted required pretty constant attention.
And while we (minus our cat!) loved having her,
I'll have to admit that I was grateful to give her back, too.

Life is like that, for sure.
Give and take.
Someone needed our help, so we gave.
Next time we need help, we'll take.
But in the meantime, I love the reminder
to give thanks ...
and take nothing for granted.
Life is too short.
It's too short to forget to say thank you.
It's too short to forget to lift people up in prayer.
It's too short to miss a chance to be kind.
It's too short.
Time and time again we're reminded of that ...
It's too short to hold on to grudges 
and refuse to forgive.
It's too short to not keep our promises.
It's too short to not be ourselves.

Yet time and time again we forget.
We take things for granted.
We think we have forever.
Heck, we think that for sure we have tomorrow.
And sometimes we do.
But sometimes we don't.

What would change if we lived as if we didn't?


I'm thankful for the opportunity to keep Lizzie for that long weekend. 
I'm blessed to have friends who trust me with their family pet. 
And I'm grateful for my cat, who doesn't take up nearly as much time and attention as that active little puppy did.

So how are you living a life of appreciation,
of give and take,
of service and love?
What are you rocking?
Where could you get better?
Whom could you affirm, celebrate,
honor and thank?
What are you waiting for? 


Otis Grows

Every once in a while, a publisher reaches out to introduce a new author and title to me. Sometimes it's love at first sight, other times I'm not instantly enamored. Since there was something odd but endearing about this onion called Otis that made me want to peel back the layers and learn more, I asked to talk with author Kathryn Hast about her intriguing newcomer Otis Grows. Thank you, Kathryn, for your insight; best wishes as Otis makes its trek around the world!

1. Otis Grows begins with an odd premise: that an onion is the son of a flower and a chicken. How did you come up with the idea, and what do those groups mean to you?

Yes, it’s a bit bizarre. But in some ways most children’s books are, right?  I mean, bunnies don’t talk, there’s no such thing as a Truffula tree, and we’re humans, not Muggles. I think one of the cornerstones of childhood is the ability to suspend disbelief, to see past odd anthropomorphization, for example, and find instead empathy via character. I studied magical realism a lot over the course of my MFA, and there’s surely a bridge there, but the story actually began as a dream my dad had. He told me about it, I laughed, and penned a few stanzas as a joke. Returning to it years later, I saw the story as a way to highlight the absurdity of American cultures in conflict, which seems to be happening at such an escalating level.

2. Do you think the theme(s) could be a bit heavy for kids?

It’s a good question. The book is not for everyone. I created it with a fundamental worldview that books are not just for entertainment. Social scientists and educators have been reporting for years that active learning is what works. By contrast, passive learning is when you attend a lecture, when you’re read to… but when you engage and explore concepts actively, the stimulation ensures a richer learning experience. Accordingly--in my view--books can and should lead to conversations. And sometimes those conversations aren’t quick or easy. If it takes a parent and child months to get through my little, forty-page book, I feel I will have done my job.

3. Most children’s books have a targeted age group. But you insist that Otis Grows is for all ages. Why is that?

While many children’s books adhere strictly to age and/or reading levels, I think there’s something to be said for using playful language, which may or may not be elevated. The word “inverse,” for example, is not really for kids, but when you couple it with “of course” and “war’s curse,” and when you provide visual context, kids can get the gist. They’re smarter than we think. Also, it’s always been my hope that adults would enjoy my books, too. How many of us with young kids wish we could read more? How many of us prioritize our kids’ exposure to books over our own? It’s always been my hope that adults can find reflection and meaning in my books. That would be great.

4. What would you say the central message is in Otis Grows?

At a very superficial level, simply: growth. Development. I’ve always been drawn to Bildungsroman as a literary genre, but of course “coming-of-age” can encompass any number of things. There’s a scene in Otis Grows that resonates with me as I enter my forties: it’s when Otis comes back home to see his dad, and from a distance, his father seems “old.” That little piece of Otis’s growth is what speaks to me right now in my life, but others may find pause in the “odor of growing older,” in the realization of the beauty all around, or in Otis’s gained physical height and awkward stature.

5. You’ve mentioned your other books. What more can we expect from you?

My illustrator, L.M. Phang, is currently working on our next collaboration called Batty Betty. It’s about a giant who dances by herself with a red basket. There are some beavers who deride her, and then a tuba and a banana who forge a friendship amidst the “crazy” world they live in. ...So right, if there are objections to an onion having a chicken for a mom, there’s plenty of concepts to critique in this one, too. But I hope people can see past that. You know, Beckett had people living in trashcans; Kafka made a man turn into an insect. I do not claim (or aspire) to be giants such as they, but I do hope for a world where there is more literature, for everyone, including kids.


Inspiring Hope

I've been thinking a lot about inspiring hope lately. 
It's my one word for this year
and it's an amazing gift.
Life-changing even.

Hope is woven throughout this guest post I wrote with tips for 
helping kids move through and beyond tragedy to tranquility.

Click the image to go to the post.
Then my friend Sylvia invited me to guest post at her beautiful blog
Learning With Mrs. Parker and, sure enough, more connection. And hope.

Hope is a must when life challenges and overwhelms.
It's pretty much a non-negotiable in seasons of sadness.
In fact, without it there is no light at the end of that tunnel.

This week has been so so dark for my friends at Ross Elementary.
Thursday night as I was presenting a parenting workshop there, tragedy struck and complications from an injury sustained in a collision just outside the school took the life of one of their third graders.

In an instant, life changed for all of them. Forever.
A mom and dad lose their baby girl.
A brother loses his sister.
Grandparents lose their granddaughter.
A class loses their friend.
A ukulele club loses a musician.
A ball team loses a team member.
A school family loses a Roadrunner.
A school counselor loses a superhero. 

There's no way around the fact that her friends and family are in excruciating, unimaginable, unspeakable pain. And the hard truth is they are going to have to lean into the pain in order to go through it and to ever get beyond it. It won't be fast and it won't be easy. There really are no words at a time like this. 

But there is hope.  

In what has to be the most difficult decision ever, the family decided to donate this young angel's organs to save the lives of five children. Just as heaven got its newest angel, five beautiful children for whom things seemed hopeless got the gift of hope for a chance to move forward and live healthy lives. All because of Kelsey. And when I shared her story with our daughter Kaitlyn, she said that she is planning on signing up as an organ donor when she renews her license next month.

So tonight, dear reader, I'm asking for your fervent prayers,
for warm thoughts and wishes of peace, comfort and healing 
for the Ross Elementary school family
and the many friends and relatives of the young girl,
a sweet, joyful soul who lived a lifetime in just eight years,
and who, at losing her life, manages to give 
life-inspiring hope to others.


Dental Work, Spiders & The Why

 Today, a reflection about fear. My thoughts about this started on Friday, at the dentist appointment I'd put on the calendar for noon. Goodness only knows what I was thinking, scheduling dental work on my lunch break. I guess I'd conveniently forgotten how afraid of visiting the dentist I really am. I actually envisioned getting that cracked filling taken care of and returning to school for the afternoon. It wasn't until we noticed a spike in my blood pressure that I recognized and acknowledged my edgy emotions. I was in tears before the hygienist even finished applying the numbing gel. When the dentist came in and saw me struggling, our conversation went something like this: 

Dr. Hicks: Are you okay in here?
Me: Yes, I'll be fine. The taste of that numbing gel just shocked me and caught me off guard (I fibbed a little to dismiss the fear).  
Dr. Hicks: It's okay to be afraid. It's actually quite common, normal even. Everyone's afraid of something. For me, it's spiders.
Me: Really? I take pictures of them. 

She found that almost as gross as I found the taste of her numbing gel.

I took it as a sign when I watched this ambitious arachnid building her web this weekend. And I smiled, knowing I'd survived that nerve-wracking dentist visit. 

It wasn't as bad in hindsight as it was in real life; I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with the why. As the dentist and I visited, waiting for the first shot she'd given me to numb my jaw take effect, then waiting for the second shot to help that first one get the job done, I attempted to explain how my experiences with the dentists of years passed had not always been very pleasant, how during one visit, in particular, my procedure had required six shots, one of which had hit a bullseye straight into a nerve center and sent me soaring straight up out of that chair (and not in a good way!). 

Dr. Hicks listened, then responded by walking me through the anesthetic procedure, teaching me about how and why they are trying to hit the dead center of that nerve web to better ensure that the entire jaw numbs. It made so much sense. All of these years, I thought that the other dentist had messed up. 

Don't get me wrong. 
I still don't like it. 
But somehow knowing the why really made a difference.
Understanding it put me at ease better than ever before
and helped me better tolerate 
the poking and prodding,
the drilling and filling.

I wonder if that's how it is in school, too, if knowing the why
would make a difference to the what and the how.
If it could measurably increase engagement and motivation.
If it would greatly change processes and outcomes.

For the record, I didn't go back to school that afternoon.
I went straight home to take a nap, relieved that it was over
and thankful to have a dentist who would take the time
to patiently educate me, 
to entertain my questions,
and to process the why.

What would knowing the why do to diminish fear and
increase productivity for you and your students? 


GRANTing Wishes

Today I'm still on Cloud 9 because yesterday was a special one for me personally and professionally. Personally, we went with our son Joshua on his graduation pictures photo shoot. John had the idea of recreating this Father's Day picture from when he was in first grade, so I snapped one on my phone while the photographer was setting it up.

The professional shot will look better, for sure, but this will give you a glimpse into the fun that we had hanging out and reminiscing with our senior.

Earlier in the day, our Education Foundation surprize patrol came by and granted a lot of our dream-big wishes in a big big way.

This year, our awesome AP Wendy and I decided to write a grant
and guess what? It was fully funded!

Our grant idea came from our friends at North Pointe Elementary, a 2013 National School of Character; we called it 
Building Character By The Book: 
Principal's Picks For Promoting Our Pillars.
It's kind of like a book-of-the-month club.

We were encouraged to break large grants like ours into small grants so that school stakeholders could get in on the fun and buy a grant. Two of our months, September and May, were adopted just that way, one by a parent of one of our students, the other by our former Principal. The Education Foundation decided to fund the remainder of the grant so that we could start in September with our Principals Pillar Pick Program.

Our school will be receiving 25 copies of each of these books, one for each month of our school year. In September, for example, when respect is our spotlight pillar, members of our leadership team will go to each classroom to read Do Unto Otters aloud, briefly discuss it with our learners, then leave a copy with the teacher for enrichment activities and as a possible take-home reader to foster that school-to-home connection.

I'm super excited about this new program and I'm feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for a Foundation and a community that supports what we do in our character building.

Happy April.