Today I'm wrestling with worthiness.
It's not like reading Joe Beckman's manifesto triggered it; my One Word for 2016 was enough, after all. But it was definitely one of the recent things that has brought contemplating worthiness back up for me.
If you haven't already read this gem, I highly recommend it.
An easy poolside read, it's the booster shot of inspiration and joy
that you've been looking for, especially after a year like 2020.
For the record, I didn't start crying until page 23.
By page 25, I was a hot mess.
Joe's stories are that powerful.
And they're empowering.
Lots of great reminders to:
Love YOU
Push Through
Just Look Up
Fail On
Yeah Toast
(You'll have to read it to understand that last one)
Another reason I'm working on worthiness is this challenge
from our publisher, to design a magazine cover to celebrate
Women's History Month. Here's what I created:
Took me almost an entire day.
Not because it was hard; in fact,
Canva made it super easy!
It's that I had to get past the Not-Enough Czar in my heart.
As soon as the challenge was issued, I got to work; it didn't take long before the Not-Enough Czar reared its ugly head and urged me to change directions. My first attempt looked more like a page inside of a magazine, featuring our upcoming picture book rather than me. Safer, I suppose.
But it didn't pass for a magazine cover,
so back to the drawing board I went.
Why was that so hard?
Why did it feel so boastful?
Why did I want to hide inside of the magazine?
To be clear, the not-enough narrative is not unique to me.
In fact, I'll bet it's pervasive in our society.
But is it society that's telling us we're not enough?
Is it our upbringing? Maybe it was our parents' story,
so it became ours by default, through modeling?
Did the mindset that children are to be seen and not heard
seer itself so deeply into my psyche that I'm still
living that out all of these years later?
Or is it, like Joe suggests, so deeply rooted in us
that we just say it (and believe it) subconsciously?
What I do know is that it's a deficit mindset that focuses
on what you're not rather than what you are,
what you can't do rather than what you can.
And it's a lonely place to be, feeling like
you're not enough, that you don't measure up,
that you somehow need to hide inside
the magazine rather than be on the cover.
Am I the only one hearing these lyrics right now:
Hide it under a bushel? NO! I'm gonna let it shine.
Not just words to a catchy VBS song, but a strong mantra to live by:
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
Which brings us back to Joe's book, because
look at his beautiful inscription:
Serendipitous, don't you think?
So what can we do when the Not-Enough Czar comes calling?
I go first to my source of inspiration: The Bible.
And I read God's truth about who I am.
Then I go to my Smile File and I read the notes, pictures, letters, cards, and goodies I've received from students, friends and family over the years, where I have it in writing that I am worthy and I am loved.
And if that's not enough, consider this from the Conclusion of
Burnout by the Emily and Amelia Nagoski:
We need other people to tell us that we are enough, not because we don't know it already, but because the act of hearing it from someone else - and (equally) the act of taking the time to remind someone else they're enough - is part of what makes us feel we're enough. We give and we receive, and we are made whole.
Don't you love how connections make us whole?
So for some Spring Break fun, I'm passing along the challenge to create a magazine cover, with these guiding questions to help you:
What is the name of the magazine you're featured on and why?
What roles will you showcase under your name?
Will you list any awards or distinctions?
Which words describe you stand for?
Which picture will you use?
What's your color scheme?
What will you advertise?
If you decide to design one, I'd love to see it!
Happy springtime, dear reader.
No comments
I really enjoy hearing from my readers; thanks for sharing your reflections with us!